I can do better.

Traumatised. Disappointed. Saddening.

Actually i don't really know the REAL reasons i got sucha bad grades for the first understanding test. Mainly Cs & Ds the most i could tell and i've not yet receive at least a B for myself. Is it that i didn't pay any attention in class or because i hate this school/class that i didn't study hard or is it because of the singtel job that i scarified my weekend not studying? Whatever it is, in order to get a clearer picture, i just have to admit that i really have a slow and stupid brain. why am i born like that? My heart sank whenever i see a C /D popping out from my grades. I have already expected grades like that before taking the test 'cause i have no idea what's the problem is about for each modules and freaking ass to think that i can score well like the other classmates do, and so not studying before the test and get a lousy grade than them. I should have known that i have a stupid brain than them and shouldn't pass my day as if tomorrow there's no important test.

And i'm back from Malaysia a few hours back ago! :)
It feels SO SO good to be back in Singapore. I really really appreciate awesome customer service and friendly attitude that Singapore has. It sucks to be in another country with different culture and different people around, experiencing different kind of environment and different manner education. I really love my hometown, it's just so beautiful. I was so happy the moment i went into the Singapore custom, i'm back home! Oh yes, so back in the bus i was thinking what's grade i would get probably a B for marketing but i know i won't get that well so i started to feel my fear. Tada very true indeed, i got a lousy result that i never expect again.

Thinking back how easy sem 1 modules is and the constant appearing A,B and C never below C+ makes me think that i really don't know understand what's sem 2 modules is teaching me ab0ut. What the heck i got a D and D+? It's harder than sem 1 and right now, truthfully, i haven't even know a single shit about the 4 modules 'cause i haven't started studying even though the 2 weeks break is going to be over. I.am.really.in.a.deep.shit. There's about 10 problems for each modules now and i have to catch up with all the work breathlessly before test 2 come which i know there won't be anytime because once school starts on next monday, i will be taking test 2 in that week and goes on until the end of January. Mad and stress.

Why do i have to worry so much thing? Once i grow up, there's so many things that i need to worry about and after the holiday trip, i getting fatter cause i never once stop eating. It's a monster holidays trip for me, i have been eating and thinking of eating whenever i shop! I need to control my portion again. Everything start tomorrow: Study & finish my project & go jogging
It's not a big deal to me that tomorrow is the last day of 2010 because 2010 has been a bitch to me. I don't want 2011 to be like 2010: Fearing everything about school,grades and new classmates. But i know the fearness/nightmare that i've got in 2010 will be there until i graduate so i didn't hope for more for a brand new year. I don't celebrate the last day of the year that's because my family don't do that and tomorrow probably will be great to stay at home. I love being at home but boredness always kills me. Nothing more than party for now. Like the past years, i want to stay at home and watch the celebrities counting down for me.

I spend many things on malaysia but never expect to bring so little things back. I thought i will have many plastic bags in my hands but i only got one. haha. I bought two clothes, one short, one back and two pair of grey contact lens. The rest i guess i spend on food muhahaha i am a monster!

There's no 2011 resolution for me this year. It's kind of shitty each year you write something like this and never done all of them. Stupid to do this kind of thing! Do it when you really want to make it happen! 2011 will be a year for me to survive my hardship in school and so nothing much to point it down. In sem 2, some of my classmates just stress me out cause they are hardworking and i'm not, it just kind of influence me to work harder than that but i'm not. I have already try my best to do whatever i can in class kay but i just don't feel i understand the topic - most of the time. Sad.

CHRISTMAS DADDY!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christmas eve & did you people have fun? I did! It was the first time i celebrate christmas, yeah i'm one of those who don't celebrate christmas when i'm young. My family don't celebrate 'cause it wasn't important to them (that's include birthday, it's nothing to them), it was only Chinese New Year that they think ' Yeah, we should buy some decoration for our house".

So yesterday i have a fun day out @ vivo with simmy, hanwei & marlene. Though only the few of us but it was really a great one. We wrote each other name on the paper and we got to choose it randomly and whoever got the name on the paper have to buy the gift for that person. I got Simmy and we are separated to get ourselves our exhange gift. I bought a pink jewelry box for her though i know it was kinda gay but i love the dancing music in the box. I am broke, really. I got mummy and sisters' presents at the very last minute & it was REALLY crowded at vivo.

oh yes, simmy got my name too. My gift from her was a 'love' Crystal something which i have to plant it myself and it's kind of a love blossom for 2011. Hahaha. I never bought a christmas gift for anyone before, so the greatest part i have for christmas eve is to search for a christmas present aligning to their preferences. It was really tough and i never thought it will be so much fun choosing gift for my friends. Thoughts are filled with " Will they like this?" It wasn't a easy 45 minutes mission! Gotcha and later at night, Lijuan came all the way to vivo to exchange our little gift. I threw my temper at her last night 'cause she was really late and the shops are closing and i waited for her just to buy all the christmas gift for my loves one and we were so rush when we bought the gifts. But i have my wrongs not to consider her reasons & though it's reasonable but i just get a little upset cause i really waited for her about 2 hours. I received a carrot rabbit bank from her and a christmas card from her. It was really last minutes that we decide to exchange gift, she called me when i was shopping at diaso so i didn't prepare any christmas card. I really LOVE the card and present alot.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTMAS DADDY & I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
I am always your girl :)

Yup didn't plan anything special for dad this birthday again 'cause dad like it simple. He doesn't even like the way when we decided to go down and have dinner together so bro just buy him a log cake and there's no birthday song too, he just cut the cake and we eat it. That's when i really don't like about it. Dad like it simple doesn't mean i like it like that, they should have plan something for my 17th birthday..

Tomorrow will be the last day of work for the december month and i decided not to sleep early tonight. Cindy is the best! She is going with me to work and will be there with me for awhile. I am SO glad to have her as a friend though sometimes my mouth just can't shutup and saying nasty things to her and make her feel bad. Best friend is waking up early tomorrow for me :)
I will be working frmo 12pm to 7pm and the next day, i will be going to Malaysia with the four girls! Another thing is i'm also gladful & thankful (I don't wanna mention lucky) to have a wonderful parents. Both of them actually pay for me everything including bus tickets, hotel & expenses.

I am REAL EXCITED cause it's the first time i'm going with my friends and passport and everything must be careful. This time round, it's not my mummy holding on to my passport but me so yeah, i got be REALLY careful. I didn't actually plan to wear pretty 'cause over there we going to wear jeans for all days yknow dangerous. It's the feeling that you get when you wanna try something new and that's the feeling i have now! I already halfway through packing my bag! Hehehe.

I hope tomorrow the time pass fast for me and Lamyan told me the staff were hateful at harbourfront. I hope not tomorrow. oh yes and i am figuring out about my self-esteem issue. I know recently i have a major self-esteem issue. I have been whining about how bad i look and how fat i am. I have already stop taking photos 'cause i wasn't good looking at all and i have replace my facebook photos with cartoon. I wasn't as vain like the past me. I still getting issue with my body and my eyes though there's nothing gonna done to them. I trying to feel confident and thankful for all i got but i can't. I doesn't look pretty at all with all the pretty cothes that hang allover the shop, i might just feel i can't wear that. I never wear a dress before because i think i don't look nice with a elephant thigh and large butt. I dislike wearing sleeveless clothes because i have a flagging arm which looks really disgusting. I never fail to have a failure diet. It's always like this on and off. I really wanna drop just 6 kg of my weight is enough, i'll be average and stop whining about it.

December Month

It went on and on and on and today is the 20th of December.. I can't believe one year has pass and everything change so much this year. From the Mini Princess days to the day i step into poly life and suffering from all the nonsense that i can't believe i'm in it. (Still suffocating and staying strong to be in this school.) Time flies. Oh well, yes, today mark the first day of the two weeks break and yes, i am really happy to be at home for the whole day. I really want to cage myself and get back to the days when i have my post-exam holidays.
To stay at home doing things like studying, writing ( Y'know my school don't give us notes to read or to write, freaking sickening all relie on the laptop), jogging in the evening, watching television (Since the start of the poly life, doing school assignment, i never have time to watch televsion.).

Oh and i'm going to Sunway Lagoon Malaysia with some of my girlfriends :)
We might be booking on the 27th and have four days of fun i suppose. That include Hanwei who will be going with us, the only guy who will be there. The only problem is the money that i going to splurge on 'cause i don't know if i have the power to spend on malaysia trip and then, my Bangkok trip. My balance account left only less than a thousand ugh! Even working at singtel won't get more than i desire. I've been paying things like iphone3 and unnecessary stuff such as foundation and mask but it been a long time i spend things like that. I never use my parent's money to buy 'useless' stuff only when i work and i get my own pay. It's hard for me to save! :(
Lucky me to have such a nice parent. I told mum i wanna go malaysia and i told her,"Ma. You pay for my malaysia trip and dad pay for my bkk trip ok? Hehe!"
And she says,"Ok! Malaysia. I choose Malaysia. It is cheaper! Your dad pay the bkk one(Pointing to dad)" So sweet of her to say that 'cause usually parent don't pay the expenses or trip tickets for their child but my parent say they will! I hope so hahaha.

Today, Bff come to my location where i'm working! I like Pasir ris Mrt station 'cause the sale is really really good. I sold 9 sim card and 50 top-up cards in a day. The top-up cards broke my own history, and i actually sold more than 10 tops in the first hour. Lijuan arrived at about 5.30pm and she was so nice, she asked me whether if i want to drink bubble tea or drinks or food and asked me if i stood for so long, whether my legs were tired. She even asked if she can help me in anything hahaha. Another reasons are 1) The auntie working in the 7-11 is really friendly and i love working with them. 2) Army boys! Faint. There's SO MANY army boys. I am shy, really! Haha. I love guy who wore army uniform. Sound weird huh haha. I gave Lj the present 'cause i've not got the time to pass her and i spent nearly two hours doing the monthly 2011 planner for her. That include all the cutting and paste, glue here and there, messages and designing. Though it's nothing but i put my effort in doing this, hope you like it and make full use of this planner hehe.

Lost direction

Hello! Good day people? :)

Today is the first day of the two weeks holiday break and i'm enjoying it for the first two hours of the day. Right after that, i gonna spend my whole afternoon at work which spoil my great mood. I say hooray to the two weeks break and left 6 more weeks, I will 'graduate' from this class. Semester two gonna end like in two months time? My Bangkok trip is only few months away! I know my perseverance staying in this class is really strong that i actually stand my whole 9 weeks in class with some of the nonsense and annoying classmates. Of course, some of them are really nice and fun to be with. I hope 6 weeks ain't slow..

Adding to that, my singtel contract will end on 16 January and my weekend freedom will be back. This break i would want to do many meaningful things that i've long for:

1. Studying
2. Jogging
3. Catching up with my secondary classmates.
4. Watch movie on Fushion
5. Shopping

Another BEST thing is that i can actually sleep up till the afternoon and never have to turn on the alarm clock in my phone. It's been 3 months (Continually, can you image?) setting up the alarm clock and everynight fearing i would be late for school or work but finally, the break has come :)

I bought iphone from baojie at only $100. Kinda feel guilty 'cause she sold me at a very cheap price wheras she can sold at for more than $300 at a second hand price? The ability that i can give her is only that little. Never been a great help to her :( Now the problem is that i don't know how to transfer my 700 songs from my old phone to my laptop and then to my iphone because there is no memory card in my old phone. This is why i hate getting a new phone.

OH YES. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? HE ADDS ME ON MSN LAST NIGHT! So.. is it time for me to make the move of talking to him when i see him online? hahahaha that will be so awkward if we were to talk online and we are seeing each other almost everyday at the bus stop but aren't talking to each other. This is weird!

Stone heart

Hi. I don't have the bad/guilty feeling after getting a bad grades anymore. My heart have no feeling even though i got a D grade for one of my modules. I need to reflect abit of myself now.

People say "thank you" repeatedly when they really appreciate what you did for them.

someone who looks like you.

Tomorrow new media again. Though i love the module very much but i hate the group. I still have to bear for two more weeks before holiday and it will soon change team after that. Ok and saddest thing is that i got my communication test 1 result and got a C for it. I know i won't get a good grade for my UT1 cause i don't understand all the problem for ALL modules since the start of semester two. Well, comparing the result with semester 1 i did better in daily grades excluding marketing and cognitive. Really have a strict faci! I wanna study for ut2 during the 2 weeks break so that i am able to catch up with my studies.

Two more months to end work.

Talk is beautiful.

Tomorrow math retest understanding 1. Perhaps i'm too clever enough not to study problem 1 and 2. I only revised and did the first stupid paper that they had messed up with. I received JYP audition email and it will be on the date of 11th this month. I'm not looking forward much because i know i have a very bad vocal and i aren't that good to go for an audition. Probably i shouldn't be nervous when i go up the stage (not the moment either). I don't want to be feel embarrassed when i'm up on stage.

Tomorrow, meeting kris and Jo to Teoheng ktv to have our vocal practise cause it's time to use microphone haha. Yaknow, when you can sing greatly without mic and when you sing with mic is different! I think i will choose my song and that's 'bababa' and in this time, i think i won't be changing any song already cause i'm not good at the others.

Kay, i will blog more when i'm free.
This week been posted to Jurong West :(
And i got my October pay like finally! Time to pay bills, poor me.